Boundaries: What They Are and How to Make Them

Do you every struggle to tell someone “no”? Do you ignore your own needs and put the wants and desires of others first? Do you find it difficult to tell people what you really want?

If so, you probably need to learn how to set and keep boundaries.

What Are Boundaries?

There are lots of different kinds of boundaries, including physical, emotional, material, sexual, and spiritual boundaries. In each of these categories, a boundary is your recognition of what you want or do not want. They are limits we set on ourselves or on other people as a guide for how to treat us. For example, one of your physical boundaries may be that you don’t like it when people hug you. Or perhaps you often feel responsible for other people’s happiness or sadness—this is a sign of weak emotional boundaries.

Where Do We Learn Boundaries?

We learn boundaries from a young age, often in early childhood.

But many children grow up without boundaries. Perhaps your parents did not understand or respect your boundaries. Or perhaps you learned to ignore your own boundaries in order to gain your parent’s love and acceptance.

If we grew up learning to push our own emotions or desires aside to get the love we wanted from our parents, we are more likely to struggle with boundaries as adults. 

Why Is It Difficult to Set Boundaries?

Boundaries are not clear-cut. They change depending on our emotional, physical, and spiritual journeys. The challenge us within our close relationships. For many of us our boundaries were violated early on in age and we learned that our voice didn’t matter. Boundaries can change based on who we are around. Everyone has different ideas about boundaries, which is why it is so important to have clear communication about needs and desires with everyone you have a close relationship with.

Why Do We Need Boundaries?

Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognize that we deserve to be happy and have what we want. Boundaries help us and others realize this. Being able to own your truth is very important, and it begins with knowing who you are and what is right for you. When we learn to set and keep healthy boundaries, we learn that we are worthy of respect.

How to Set Boundaries

There are four steps to setting and keeping boundaries:

1.     Reflect on your limits so you can know what boundaries are important to you.

2.     Assert your boundaries in a clear, calm way.

3.     Practice setting boundaries at work, at school, at home, and with your friends. Don’t give up, even if it is hard or uncomfortable.

4.     Understand that those who do not respect your boundaries do not respect you.

Setting boundaries can be unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but it is key to finding happiness and inner peace. Boundaries reiterate that fact that you deserve to be treated with respect and to experience joy. Try and set a new boundary today to see how much it can improve your life!