Divorce

Divorce…..

Divorce is something that effects most of the Worlds population in some form. It could be neighbors, friends parents, our parents, sibling or our self, most of us know someone who has gone through the painful process of a divorce. Fifty percent of those who get married end up divorcing the person they originally thought they would spend their “happily ever after with.”

In fact most of us enter into a marriage not fully understanding the work that it will take to make and keep a relationship healthy and yes I was one of those.  

This is not my whole story, but pieces placed on paper (keyboard) to share parts of my journey

My first marriage began with us meeting my freshman year of high school.  Yes, I said high school.  Soon after my 15th birthday we started dating .  He was 2 years older than me and I was “smitten”.  The end of my senior year I ended up getting pregnant and by 19 years old became a mother of a beautiful boy.  Two years later I became pregnant again and during my 5th month of pregnancy we got married.  That day didn’t change much for our relationship though at 22 years old I thought it would.  I believed the lie that most people believe.

Most people get married looking for that missing piece.  They believe that the person they are going to marry will fill that void and “complete” them.  The truth is until we are able to love ourselves, complete ourselves, choose ourselves, know our worth and value, we will never be able to offer that to someone else or receive that love from someone else.  

We are created for love and all have a desire to be seen, heard and known, but when we are unable to go to the very depths of ourselves and sort through the pain that we have endured in our life we end up bringing that into the Union we thought would “save” us.  Many times we end up choosing people who are not the healthiest fit for us or quite frankly someone who is not healthy for anyone.  

My childhood background and faith played a huge part in me choosing to stay married.  I finally began to heal through alot of heart work and processing and realized faith alone wouldn’t change a person or a relationship.  As I sat in my own skin processing what I believed to be the new scarlet letter (divorce), the fears of man, society and the church flooded my mind.  I began to realize that my creator the one who I called Savor cared more about me as an individual human than that of a piece of paper.  I’m not saying a paper doesn’t carry value, because it does, but if a heart is not invested, if someone isn’t willing to change than sometimes it means lighting that paper on fire and allowing beauty to grow from ashes. 

Divorce is not the end of the world, its not your identity, it is something that you have walked through and hopefully grown from.  If you have or are going through a divorce hopefully you have chosen to begin to love yourself wholeheartedly in all your uniqueness and beauty and to realize that the person you choose next is not someone to complete you, but someone who compliments you, someone who is a team mate, someone who you can be fully you and come fully alive around, someone who sits with you in your pain, someone who holds you in your sorrow, someone who laughs with you in your joy, someone who knows the very things you were once scared of thinking about because of the pain they would ignite within your body, soul and spirit.